This is one in a series of columns I wrote for a local newsletter in the past few years. The column was called The Brink of Normal and was full of humor and truly fun for all ages--and now it's back in convenient blog form!
As I searched desperately for a topic for my second column in this space, I thought about my rapid ascent to the heights of comedic expression. I suddenly realized that as a Humor Columnist I am now in a prime position to give hope and inspiration to the many young comedians out there. I’m all about public service, so this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.
You might think that those closest to you will appreciate your jokes. In fact I have found the opposite to be true. Often after a stunningly funny comment, my father will say, “Don’t give up your day job”—while obviously stifling his mirth. Sometimes I will reduce most of a group to tears of laughter and one of my siblings will shout, “Don’t laugh—it only encourages him!” My theory here is that a person can’t take too much of a good thing. If you are too funny too often for too long, people just get desensitized to it.
Now if you are just getting started being funny, you may be asking, “I’m just getting started. How can I be funny?” Well, I’m glad you asked.
One popular way to make people laugh is to tell jokes. There are many jokes, so I won’t try to cover them all here, but good jokes have two things in common: cleverness and surprise. Let me demonstrate with an actual joke:
Q: What did the mommy bullet say to the daddy bullet?
A: “We’re having a BB!”
The cleverness is the BB/baby pun, and the surprise is the ending that most people don’t expect. Both are vital for the comedy of the joke. (Please note that plausibility is not a necessary element of good jokes like this one.) Here is the joke without the surprise:
Q: What did little BB’s mommy, Mrs. Bullet, say to her daddy, Mr. Bullet?
A: “We’re having a BB!”
The joke is still clever, but there is no punch to the punch line. It bores us. The same effect can be achieved by asking your audience, “Have you heard the one about the little BB?” before you tell the joke.
Now, here is the joke with the cleverness removed:
Q: What did the mommy bullet say to the daddy bullet?
A: “We’re having a giraffe!”
This is not funny. The end is surprising, but the joke is not clever. It frustrates the listener. You will hear questions such as “What does the giraffe have to do with anything?” Believe me, it has to make sense.
If telling jokes isn’t your bag, perhaps you should try puns. Puns are a personal favorite of mine, but they elicit more groans than any other form of comedy you can use. In fact, that’s the best result you can ask from puns. If you don’t believe me, just pop a simple pun into a conversation, like “That soccer player really gets a kick out of his sport” and then just watch what happens. Often nothing will happen. At this point you can simply repeat yourself until someone realizes that you have made a joke. When they roll their eyes or groan or throw something at you, they’ve gotten it.
After you master the pun, try making several in a row related the same subject. For instance, you could follow up the soccer pun with “I wonder if his parents toed him to play”, “They probably had to put their foot down”, and “He’s probably still waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Again, some people find this less funny than others, so be ready to hoof it.
Often seen as less intelligent than other forms of funniness, physical comedy has been employed by everyone from the Three Stooges to
With these tools in your bag you know enough to be dangerous. In fact, as I write this I realize that having an aspiring humorist in the house could be as maddening as living with someone teaching themselves the violin. And I didn’t even talk about the more advanced comedy techniques such as Running A Joke Into The Ground.
I’m sorry to the families of the amateur comedians I’ve encouraged. I didn’t mean to create a monster. But just think; after only a few years they may actually have their own column, and then it will all be worth it.
Right, Mom?
filed: humor; column
In late 1978 the Chinese leadership began moving the economy from a sluggish, inefficient, Soviet-style centrally planned economy to a more market-oriented system. Whereas the system operates within a political framework of strict Communist control, the economic influence of non-state organizations and individual citizens has been steadily increasing. The authorities switched to a system of household and village responsibility in agriculture in place of the old collectivization, increased the authority of local officials and plant managers in industry, permitted a wide variety of small-scale enterprises in services and light manufacturing, and opened the economy to increased foreign trade and investment. The result has been a quadrupling of GDP since 1978.As they grow economically they are plowing resources into their military as well. China's military has historically been long on manpower but short on technology--in WW2 the much smaller Japan had their way with China. But obviously they are trying to change all of that now.
Note: It has come to my attention that some of the content of this blog may seem a little dry to certain groups of people, nay, to entire swaths of the population. To you I say this: You will continue to get what you pay for. However, I do have some stuff that's a little more fun, and I'd like to mix it in here and there.
This is one in a series of columns I wrote for a local newsletter in the past couple of years. The column was called The Brink of Normal, and was full of humor and truly fun for all ages. I have wanted to start republishing the columns here, and this seems a perfect time to start. This one's for you, America. And really for the whole english-speaking world.
The Emperor Has No Clothes!
Yes, I said it, and I’m not sorry. This has gone on long enough, and somebody had to get the truth out there. That’s how it always is. It always falls to those of us on the edges, at The Brink of Normal, to do the dirty work and be the first to say what you and everyone else is thinking.
Now the reason you don’t think I know what you were thinking is because somehow I started this column at the end and you have no idea what I’m talking about. You’re challenging me to tell you what you were thinking. Gotcha.
OK, here’s what we were all thinking: There is a no real difference between things that are stupid and things that are cool.
Most of you out there are probably freaked out that I read your mind. For those of you who may not have actually been thinking this exact thought, let me explain.
Meanwhile at a downtown restaurant whose name has more vowels than consonants a man is looking at a menu written completely in French. He summons the waiter, pronouncing his name easily, and expertly orders escargot for himself and the lady. She is impressed with his sophistication.
What is wrong with this picture? They are eating snails! The boy in his yard and the man at the restaurant are engaged in the same activity, and while one is taken to the doctor as a precaution the other enjoys his meal in high style. How can this be?
The answer lies deep in the human psyche. With our built-in desire for acceptance we try to choose a herd and follow wherever they may go. If someone is able to convince a leader that something is cool, the entire group will likely follow right along without a peep lest they be found unworthy of membership. This has been going on since long before the emperor was scammed by the people with the invisible clothes, and there is always a need for people like little children and yours truly to tell the herd what is what.
The problem with fashion is that you can’t escape it because you have to wear clothes, and no matter what you wear it makes a statement about who you are. That’s not a big problem if you like to make a statement, but I’m pretty much past that now and I just wear clothes because it separates me from the animals. My clothes are beginning to tell everyone that I haven’t cared about fashion since sometime in the last millennium.
For the people at the top of the fashion food chain things aren’t exactly hunky-dory either. How many actresses have attended a glitzy awards show wearing a $100,000 gown by a big name designer that appears to have been crafted from facial tissue and fishing tackle? Everybody stands around and says how the dress flatters her and the designer is a visionary, but in the back of their minds they’re wondering if that’s actually Kleenex and fishhooks.
And what about art? Perhaps you’ve seen one of those exhibits that appears to be a canvas salvaged from a paint factory explosion. The museum guide reverently explains that it was from a very bitter time in the artist’s life and that this work reflects a deep angst and anger unparalleled in any paintings of that period, which explains why it was appraised at 40 bazillion dollars. You suspect that it was created by a monkey on a motorcycle, but you say nothing.
filed: humor; column
