Original Column: How to Be Funny

This is one in a series of columns I wrote for a local newsletter in the past few years. The column was called The Brink of Normal and was full of humor and truly fun for all ages--and now it's back in convenient blog form!

As I searched desperately for a topic for my second column in this space, I thought about my rapid ascent to the heights of comedic expression. I suddenly realized that as a Humor Columnist I am now in a prime position to give hope and inspiration to the many young comedians out there. I’m all about public service, so this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.

You might think that those closest to you will appreciate your jokes. In fact I have found the opposite to be true. Often after a stunningly funny comment, my father will say, “Don’t give up your day job”—while obviously stifling his mirth. Sometimes I will reduce most of a group to tears of laughter and one of my siblings will shout, “Don’t laugh—it only encourages him!” My theory here is that a person can’t take too much of a good thing. If you are too funny too often for too long, people just get desensitized to it.

Now if you are just getting started being funny, you may be asking, “I’m just getting started. How can I be funny?” Well, I’m glad you asked.

Jokes

One popular way to make people laugh is to tell jokes. There are many jokes, so I won’t try to cover them all here, but good jokes have two things in common: cleverness and surprise. Let me demonstrate with an actual joke:

Q: What did the mommy bullet say to the daddy bullet?
A: “We’re having a BB!”

The cleverness is the BB/baby pun, and the surprise is the ending that most people don’t expect. Both are vital for the comedy of the joke. (Please note that plausibility is not a necessary element of good jokes like this one.) Here is the joke without the surprise:

Q: What did little BB’s mommy, Mrs. Bullet, say to her daddy, Mr. Bullet?
A: “We’re having a BB!”

The joke is still clever, but there is no punch to the punch line. It bores us. The same effect can be achieved by asking your audience, “Have you heard the one about the little BB?” before you tell the joke.

Now, here is the joke with the cleverness removed:

Q: What did the mommy bullet say to the daddy bullet?
A: “We’re having a giraffe!”

This is not funny. The end is surprising, but the joke is not clever. It frustrates the listener. You will hear questions such as “What does the giraffe have to do with anything?” Believe me, it has to make sense.

Puns

If telling jokes isn’t your bag, perhaps you should try puns. Puns are a personal favorite of mine, but they elicit more groans than any other form of comedy you can use. In fact, that’s the best result you can ask from puns. If you don’t believe me, just pop a simple pun into a conversation, like “That soccer player really gets a kick out of his sport” and then just watch what happens. Often nothing will happen. At this point you can simply repeat yourself until someone realizes that you have made a joke. When they roll their eyes or groan or throw something at you, they’ve gotten it.

After you master the pun, try making several in a row related the same subject. For instance, you could follow up the soccer pun with “I wonder if his parents toed him to play”, “They probably had to put their foot down”, and “He’s probably still waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Again, some people find this less funny than others, so be ready to hoof it.

Physical Comedy

Often seen as less intelligent than other forms of funniness, physical comedy has been employed by everyone from the Three Stooges to America’s Funniest Videos. However hilarious it may be on TV, it is often less so if you personally fall out of a boat or have someone whack your nose with a serving tray. In the same way, practical jokes (the home version of physical comedy) are usually funnier for the joker than the victim, and if you accidentally get your parents they can find ways of spreading the pain, if you know what I mean. I speak as someone who has soaked my mother with water and coated my father with baby powder. I guess I forgot to mention that when noting that my family doesn’t think I’m funny.

With these tools in your bag you know enough to be dangerous. In fact, as I write this I realize that having an aspiring humorist in the house could be as maddening as living with someone teaching themselves the violin. And I didn’t even talk about the more advanced comedy techniques such as Running A Joke Into The Ground.

I’m sorry to the families of the amateur comedians I’ve encouraged. I didn’t mean to create a monster. But just think; after only a few years they may actually have their own column, and then it will all be worth it.

Right, Mom?

filed: humor; column